“What we see depends mainly on what we look for.”
Master Sergeant Willie Wells once told me that “in the mind of the perceiver, a perception is a fact.” This as stuck with me for over 20 years now and has been invaluable over the years. I can’t tell you how many times I have asked myself the question “am I am dealing with facts or perceptions here?” And that question can be about self or others.
I recently reread “Dare To Lead” by Brene Brown and one tool in there really jumped out at me. (Well, there are a lot of things in that book that are incredibly good, and it is a must read but this one relates to the topic at hand…)
The specific tool she shared was a simple way to convey to others that you have a specific perception in play. The way to do this is to start your conveyance with this simple statement, “the story I am creating in my mind is…” When you do this it is incredibly clarifying both for you and for the person that you are communicating with. It strips away ambiguity and helps make whatever you are thinking sound less like a personal attack and much more problem or challenge focused. Give it a try and see if you can create new perceptions/facts.