Are you failing to succeed?

“Sometimes failure is the tuition you pay for success.”

Craig Groeschel

One of my favorite exercises to complete after any significant initiative, personal or professional, good or bad, is the After Action Review.  These five questions allow you to codify success or failure and begin learning and growth.  

  1. What were our intended results? 
  2. What were our actual results?
  3. What caused our results?
  4. What will we do the same next time?
  5. What will we do differently?

In preparation for any key initiative taking the time to think through a variation of the first three questions is highly impactful and will maximize your likelihood of success.  

  1. What are my intended results?
  2. How will I measure those results?
  3. What will cause these results?

Everyone will fail; the question is whether or not you can convert this experience into one with a positive return on investment? Why pay the tuition if you aren’t going to learn anything? 

Are you quietly fixing failure?

“Failure is your responsibility. Share the credit, take the blame, and quietly find out and fix things that went wrong.”

Colin Powell

Failure isn’t something that happens to you; it happens for you. If you blame others, you push the responsibility away from yourself and take away your opportunity to learn, grow, and lead.  

I am sure that we have all known bombastic people who yell and scream when things don’t go their way. But, unfortunately, they generally aren’t people who can “quietly find out and fix things that went wrong.” Perhaps they never had a positive example of effective leadership; maybe the only thing they know how to do is assign blame and point fingers. Sometimes these types are even quite effective at producing results, at least temporarily. However, I would argue that if one spends their time pointing fingers, sooner or later, they will find themselves with no one to point at except themselves. 

Where have you failed, and what are you going to fix today quietly?

Failure is an opportunity for success…

“Focus on the possibilities for success, not on the potential for failure.”

Napoleon Hill

I believe it is essential to understand that failure WILL happen. Once you are comfortable with this fact, you can embrace the opportunities in front of you with full gusto. It doesn’t mean you ignore the potential for failure; quite the opposite. Instead, you focus on the future possibilities and seek to SOLVE for the potential failure points. The opportunity is why you keep moving; the possible failure is merely a problem to be solved.  

The antidote to failure…

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.”

Oprah Winfrey

Failure only happens when two things occur. First, you choose not to learn from the loss. Two, you choose not to try again.  

So the only antidote to failure is to embrace learning and foster resilience.  

Make these two things your watchwords, and you will never fail.  

What is failure?

“You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.”

Johnny Cash

I love this quote because, for me, it defines the difference between failure and growth. If you do the things listed here, then it isn’t a failure.   It is merely an experience that didn’t turn out the way you wanted.  Then you can learn from it and go forward better and smarter.  

Failure is refusing to learn.  

Failure is blaming someone or something else.  

Failure is quitting.  

Failure is letting the past control you instead of owning the opportunity to do something better based on the first-hand experience of what doesn’t work.

Don’t give up now…

“Persistence can change failure into extraordinary achievement.”

Matt Biondi

How do you know when it is time to stop? Have you ever quit something too soon? Close your eyes. Think of three things you acknowledge that you gave up on too soon in life. How do you know? What lessons can you take from this in hindsight?  

What trials are before you that might challenge you to the point of quitting?  What questions do you need to ask yourself to ensure that five, ten, twenty years from now, you won’t think of this decision as being the one where you quit too soon?

You might be on the verge of the most significant moment of your life. Don’t quit now…

What scares you more; failure or mediocrity?

“Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts, it is glorious even to fail.”

Bruce Lee

What I like about this quote is that it puts the focus on the fear of failure. It is the fear of failure that is our real enemy. Never trying something because you might fail or setting low expectations to ensure you don’t fail is a dangerous precedent to develop in your life.  

Consider this; failure might be the best possible thing that EVER happens to you because it becomes the catalyst event for further learning and growth. When attempting something great, failing might be the very thing that propels you forward to something even better. Not having the ability to stretch and risk failure is a recipe for perpetual mediocrity.

Would you rather set great expectations and fail, or low expectations and achieve them? 

A new kind of self-fulfilling prophecy…

“Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.”

George Washington Carver

How do you define failure? There are two types in my mind. First, attempting something and not being successful at whatever you attempted. Second, not being successful because you never actually attempt anything.

The difference is the first one can be overcome as long as you don’t buy into excuses or “reasons” of why one can’t or won’t be successful in the future. If you do buy into the excuses or reasons, you will be limiting future successes.

The second type of failure is far more insidious and damaging. Those traits become a self-fulfilling prophecy that you have to guard against if you want to avoid a life of mediocrity and unrealized potential.

No excuses. No reasons. No justification. No denial of accountability or ownership. To be successful, you must overcome and deny any and all excuses. When you do this you can also create a self-fulfilling prophecy…

Leadership is…

“Leadership is solving problems. The day soldiers stop bringing you their problems is the day you have stopped leading them. They have either lost confidence that you can help or concluded you do not care. Either case is a failure of leadership.”

Colin Powell

This is one of, if not my absolute, favorite leadership quotes of all time. It is definitely in my top 5 list. I know that I have used it in my daily quotes before, probably several times in the now 22 years that I have been sending out a daily message, but I looked and I haven’t used it over the past two years. So what better time than now to bring out an old favorite?

There is so much richness and wisdom in this message. To me it isn’t about the fact that people are bringing you their problems, in fact that might not be a good thing at all…

It is about whether or not your team views you through the lens of being able to help and add value to them and bring perspective and insight that would help them be more effective in solving their problems.

It is about whether or not you as a leader have created a culture and atmosphere where those that you lead and influence know that you care, deeply care, about them as a person and about their problems, challenges and successes.

To be able to lead you must be deeply introspective and self-aware if you want to grow in influence and as John Maxwell states, “Leadership is influence” (also one of my top 5 quotes of all time).

It makes me think of a number of questions that are needed to get to the heart of what is at play for anyone that is in a leadership role, whether officially designated or not. Here are some of the questions that come to mind.

Are people bringing me their challenges? Why or why not?

Am I growing, intentionally growing, my skills and talents so that I can be additive to those that I serve? Do I understand what they need from me as a leader and am I going out and purposefully growing my expertise in order to best serve them?

Have I made it safe as a leader for those I influence not to have all the answers? How or how not? Is it safe for them to bring me their problems or challenges, not because I can provide all the answers but because I can help them think through the best solution and help them guard against any blind spots?

Do I actively listen and pay attention to see if those I lead and influence are coming to me seeking input and advice? Am I constantly and continually scanning my environment to see if I am providing value to them and helping them? If no one is seeking then do I know it and am I working to find out why not?

Does my team know that I genuinely care about them as individuals, about their problems, about their challenges, about their opportunities? Not in a “I hope they know I care” kind of way but in an explicitly stated and reinforced through actions kind of way. Am I walking the talk on a daily basis that perpetuates my care and concern and when I fail, and I will fail, am I addressing that head on with them?

These questions help me to continually refine my leadership as I seek to expand my skills and capabilities. They also address another John Maxwell axiom that is a favorite of mine, “Are you really leading, or are you just taking a walk?” (I have included a link to John’s Blog here as it has such beautifully rich content and perspective).

As mentioned above “Leadership is influence.” The essential meaning of this quote is wrapping up the “how” that influence is built and delivered…

Break on through…

“Failure isn’t a necessary evil. In fact, it isn’t an evil at all. It is a necessary consequence of doing something new.”

Ed Catmull

How much fun would there be in doing anything new if you knew that you couldn’t fail? Perhaps more importantly how would you ever know how far you could go if you didn’t push to the point of failure?

Failing isn’t ever going to be fun but it is such a powerful ally in our growth. Perhaps the best part of failing is that you then get to learn exactly where the wall is, so that you can then step back and figure out how to break through that wall the next time!

I can honestly say that failure is the best thing I have ever done, it is what has fueled my most important growth in life. I can without a doubt say that I have learned more from failure than I ever have from success.

As “the doors” once wrote, you need to “break on through to the other side…”

The secret…

“Take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly, and try another. But by all means, try something.”

Franklin D. Roosevelt

I had a conversation yesterday with a person whom I greatly admire and respect. During our time together we talked about the importance of understanding the opportunities we have to to serve customers and the incredible value and importance of constantly and continually trying new things, always in an effort to improve and add value to the relationship that a customer has with our respective organizations.

It is incredibly refreshing, and motivating, to share similar beliefs and perspectives with another person and to learn from those who practice those beliefs in their daily lives. That conversation was the reason that I selected this quote today.

It is easy in life to let the pace of the world, or our own internal sense of timing, dictate our ability and willingness to try new things. It is so easy to get caught up in a “pursuit of perfect” and forget that intelligent failure is where real learning occurs. It is so easy to fall in love with your own ideas and measures of success and forget that the customer (or anyone in your life with whom you have a relationship) might have a very different measure of success and value. Is is easy to be lulled into a spirit of contentment, which is only one step removed from complacency and irrelevance.

I am very thankful for the people that God puts in my life to reinforce the value of embracing change and to always push forward with an attitude of “relentless discontent with the status quo.”

Doing something, and learning from what comes from the effort, is critical for growth. There is no growth without first taking action. Try something. Be willing to fail. Learn. Try something else. Do it over and over and over again. That is the secret to growth and change…


No quit…

“For every failure, there’s an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.”

Mary Kay Ash

It’s not failure unless you choose to quit without having exhausted every potential option. Failure isn’t fatal, but quitting just might be. Sometimes the detours are the most rewarding options…

Winning…

“(Tool+Training+Experience) x Mindset = Goal/Success. BUT, if your mindset is zero, then the equation is (100+100+100) x 0 = Failure.”

Unknown

No matter how well trained, how well resourced or how much experience you have nothing can overcome a mindset that isn’t prepared to win. But what does a positive mindset really mean?

For me it means wanting to win and being willing to do the hard work to win, knowing that winning isn’t guaranteed, but that the lack of certain success in no way diminishes the effort put forth to achieve the goal at hand. If your mindset is set on anything less than a complete desire to win you are setting yourself up for failure…

Willing to fail…

“There is no innovation and creativity without failure. Period.”

Brene Brown

Steve Jobs is the first person that comes to mind for me as a great innovator and creator. But he had many many failures along the way, and learned from each of them. Those failures are what allowed him to become great.

The great innovators are willing to take risks because they know they will learn from both failure and success. Not everything they attempt will work, but they are willing to fail.

Are you willing to fail? Are you willing to fall short and then figure out why? Are you able to set aside ego and fear long enough to stretch outside your comfort zone? Are you willing to fail in order to learn?

If you aren’t willing then you won’t stretch, you won’t grow, you won’t create. If you want to innovate you have to be willing to fail because failure will happen and that is when the real magic can occur.

The dawn is coming…

“Failure is often that early morning hour of darkness which precedes the dawning of the day of success.”

Leigh Mitchell Hodges

The lens through which one views failure is critical for creating a life of success and growth. I have found that there are two ways to look at failure.

First, you can see failure as an indictment of self and this manifests in seeing yourself as a failure. “I am a failure.” This isn’t healthy nor is it true. No one is a failure at an individual level. We will all fail many times in life. Heck, we likely fail on a daily basis as we fall short of being the person that we were created to be. But that doesn’t mean that we are a failure as a human being.

Second, you can see failure as a specific unsuccessful set of actions or behaviors in a particular moment in time. You might fail to achieve some goal, some target, etc.. But that doesn’t mean that you are a failure as a person. It just means that we were unsuccessful in our attempt at something. We have simply failed through our actions to create an outcome we desired.

The most important component in building a life of continual growth is looking at your failures through the lens of learning. One must constantly and continually seek our your failures with the intent to learn. Lean in to your frustrations, defeats and shortfalls. This is how you can create the “dawning day of success.”

How to get out of your own way…

“One of the greatest tragedies you can experience is to come to the end of your life and realize that… your failure was due in large part to your inability to get out of your own way.”

Mark Goulston

Do you know your weaknesses? Are you aware of the behaviors and tendencies that you exhibit that prevent you from being as productive, impactful or fulfilled as God created you to be?

If you are aware do you have coping mechanisms and an active plan to address these shortfalls? Do you revisit that plan regularly and hold yourself accountable to its execution?

Do you have a list of friends or confidants that you have shared both the list of weaknesses and your action plan with? Have you given them permission to hold you accountable? Have you asked them to be candid and direct and not sugar coat feedback when they see something that you need to know about?

If you answered “no” to any of these questions then you are at high risk of being the person who can’t get out of their own way. Don’t settle for being as good as your worst weakness will permit you to be. Change the narrative and elevate yourself.

Learn from the past, focus on the future…

“Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.”

Pope John XXIII

Why do we let “the past,” which is only a memory in our minds, get in the way of what is possible in the future? Unfortunately it is human nature to get wrapped up in what didn’t work or what went wrong and we lose focus on what is yet to come. The key is to focus on learning from the failures with the intent to use that knowledge to get better.

If you value every experience as an opportunity to grow and improve then you will be able to learn from the past but focus on the future.

Paranoid is good…

“Success breeds complacency.  Complacency breeds failure.  Only the paranoid survive.”

Andy Grove

The minute you think you have arrived, that you think you can lay back and relax because you have accomplished your goal, that is the minute you start to slide towards complacency and irrelevance. Complacency scares me more than almost anything else. Complacency means that you don’t care deeply and passionately and that goes against every fiber of my being. But how do you make sure that you pause long enough to recognize success?

I know that I struggle to slow down long enough to celebrate success. When something is achieved I immediately begin thinking of the next thing, the next goal. How do you ensure that you pause long enough when achieving some level of success but not become comfortable there? What is the appropriate about of time to celebrate success before starting towards the next journey?

I follow the principle “celebrate a win for a day, then get back to work.” Numerous people have talked and written about this and it has worked for me. What works for you?

Failure preventative…

“Failure is not a single, cataclysmic event. You don’t fail overnight. Instead, failure is a few errors in judgement, repeated every day.”

Jim Rohn

I really like how Jim frames failure as a “error in judgement, repeated every day.” When you think of failure through that filter what does it look like for you? What are the daily “errors in judgement” that are repeated? Is it not tackling the tough conversation and letting something fester? Does it revolve around allowing negative conversations to persist even when you know that you should address them? Is it a case of doing the urgent but not important things that need to be done? There are so many possible ways this can manifest.

Think about failure through the lens of the daily opportunities you have to perform at a higher level. Does settling for “good enough” today become an “error in judgement” in hindsight when something critical fails?

Can we guarantee success?

“Effort does not guarantee success, it only removes the guarantee of failure.”

Eric Davis

No matter how hard we work at something success is never guaranteed. All the hard effort in the world just might not be enough. But if you don’t put in the effort you are absolutely going to fail. I think the real key is how you answer this question:

If we don’t put in our best and maximum effort will we look back later and wonder if failure happened because we didn’t try hard enough?

Test your limits…

“Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.”
 
Marcus Antonius

Why is it that so much of what bothers us in life isn’t the thing itself but is instead how it makes us feel? We look to be wronged, persecuted or diminished as opposed to seeking understanding and growth. Very few people look for ways to fail simply so they can learn and grow. Choosing to learn from failure is something that comes through wisdom and experience. Seeking opportunities that push you so far outside of your comfort zone that failure is almost guaranteed at some point is the only way you can ever understand your limits.

What on earth does this have to do with today’s quote? Glad you asked. If failure is the thing that creates anger and grief for you, then how will you ever be able to find out how far you can go? It isn’t the failure itself, it is how you respond to it that matters. Failure is a gift when you choose to learn from it. Learn and grow? Or anger and grief?  You choose…

 

Failure must be an option…

“If you set your goals ridiculously high and it’s a failure, you will fail above everyone else’s success.”

James Cameron

I would argue that if your goal doesn’t scare you just a little bit, it isn’t set high enough.  If your goals are too easy, they just aren’t going to make you stretch.  They won’t make you push, make you dig deep and find that extra effort and energy you didn’t know you had.  

Goals shouldn’t be targets set to where you know you can hit them, they should scare you because you really don’t know if you can reach them.  Only then will you find what you are really made of.  

Are you willing to aim so high that you might fail?  If failure isn’t a real and potential option, your goals are too easy…  

 

Why don’t you try?

“What good is an idea if it remains an idea? Try. Experiment. Iterate. Fail. Try again. Change the world.”

Simon Sinek

How many great ideas just whither up and die because they never see the light of day?  I know I have had some great ones (well I think they were anyway) that have lived only in my mind.  Why does this happen?  Is it fear of failure?  Prioritizing the wrong things?  Not making the experimenting with new ideas a focus area?  

There can be tons of reasons of course.  But what would happen if you dedicated an intentional amount of your time to focusing on bringing new ideas, great ideas to life?  Keep a running list, prioritize that list by impact and what really excites you.  Decide to try one new idea each year, quarter, month, whatever schedule makes sense.  But decide to try.  If you don’t decide to act then you never will.  

The solution is what matters…

“Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.”

George Washington Carver

If you are making excuses it is a failure of leadership.  Period.  If you are looking to assign fault, you are making an excuse.  You have already failed.

I’ve heard folks say, “I’m not making excuses, I just want to make sure you understand the reasons why this happened.”  I firmly believe that the only difference between  ‘excuses’ and ‘reasons’ is the action plan needed to drive change.  Reasons without action are just another name for an excuse and excuses don’t come with actions. 

The problem with excuses and “reasons” is that the effort is spent focused on the problem and all the reasons why something didn’t work.  This doesn’t add value in any way.  Now I am not saying it isn’t important to understand root cause and effect, but understanding is only important if you are then focused on doing something about it!

I recently read something really profound that puts this in perfect perspective.

“Focus only on the solution to the problem – never on the problem itself.”  

If you are solution oriented, you can’t be making excuses.  If you are ‘problem oriented’ then excuse-making and failure will be your best friends.  If you are looking for a reason something happened to take action, great.  But make sure that ACTION is what you are focused on creating, never excuses…  

Excuses = Failure…

What are you afraid of?

“Teamwork begins by building trust. And the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability.”

Patrick Lencioni

Merriam-Webster defines “invulnerable” as “impossible to harm, damage or defeat.”  We are taught at a young age that we have to be tough, that we have to win, that showing any vulnerability is a sign of weakness and frailty.  So we carry that defensive nature into our lives and relationships, both at work and at home.  Instead of accepting that we are all vulnerable we seek to be invulnerable with those around us.  

Perhaps this is changing?  The usage of the word “vulnerable” has certainly become more prevalent over the past few decades. Not bad for a word that has it’s root origination in the Latin noun “vulnus” meaning “wound.”  (Finally all my college Latin courses are paying off!!)

 

vulnerable

Usage of “vulnerable”

 

But lets contrast “invulnerability” with “trust” which is defined as “allow someone to have, use, or look after (someone or something of importance or value) with confidence.” 

How do you know when you trust someone?  What does it feel like? For me it is the feeling of safety.  That it is okay if I’m not perfect and it is safe to expose my vulnerabilities for the purpose of achieving a greater good.  When I trust my teammates I am confident that they care, first and foremost, about achieving our shared goals and purpose.

Hmm, now that I think about it maybe “invulnerability” isn’t such a bad thing.  If a team has a high degree of trust with each other I think they just might be a team that is “impossible to harm, damage or defeat…”  

 

Failure to plan…

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”

Colin Powell

This quote reminds me of the old axiom “if you fail to plan you plan to fail.” Preparation is such an important aspect of success that sometimes gets overlooked.  It’s so easy to wait until the last minute to get the work done but far too often that increases the chance of failure, or at least of sub-optimal results.  Good preparation is part of the hard work required to create success.  Being intentional in what we WANT to do allows us to execute against our plan with focused hard work AND creates the environment that allows us to learn when things don’t go as planned.  If you don’t have a plan, how will you know if you don’t achieve it?

 

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dusty

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