How do you keep going when all you want to do is quit?

How do you keep going when all you want to do is quit?

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.”

Harriet Beecher Stowe

What motivates you to carry on despite the struggles you are facing? How do you know when it is time to quit? How do you choose to persevere when everything seems to be stacked against you?

Photo Courtesy of Ironman.com

In 2013 I participated in the inaugural Ironman Lake Tahoe (IMLT) endurance race. I had completed my first Ironman race in 2011 and found I really enjoyed the training that goes into preparing your body to be tested by a 2.4-mile swim, a 112-mile bike, and a 26.2-mile run. I chose to sign up for Lake Tahoe simply because of the sheer beauty of the location and as an opportunity to see a place I had never been before. I trained my heart out all summer and when race day arrived on September 23, 2013, I was ready.

The race was epic in every sense of the word. It was indescribably beautiful, the Sierra Nevada mountains with their snow-tipped peaks visible in every direction, and it was also incredibly challenging. It was so cold the morning of the race that the 64-degree water in Lake Tahoe felt warm and swimming at 6,200 of elevation was just a unique and special challenge. The best way to describe it is to imagine trying to swim while breathing through a single drinking straw. The bike was extraordinarily difficult due to the mountains you had to cross and the grade of the climbs involved (I looked down at my speedometer at one point and I was moving 3 miles per hour). The run was relatively flat but it was so cold down by the river that staying warm was an impossible challenge.

The DNF rate (did not finish) at IMLT in 2013 was north of 23% and I very easily could have been one of those who did not finish. The run was very tough and there were several points where quitting was probably the smartest option. I developed blisters on the bottom of my left foot at mile 8 that were so bad that I had to stop twice at the medical tents to get treatment. Every step was painful and I thought my foot was on fire. But quitting, walking away and actually ending my race early, never crossed my mind for more than a fleeting moment.

Why didn’t I quit? What kept me going when I knew I had 18 miles still to go and my foot was in severe pain? I certainly wasn’t racing for money or a spot on the podium. I am a very atypical triathlete at 6′ 4″ tall and 225 pounds. I wasn’t going to “win” anything. What kept me going was a relentless focus on what I wanted to accomplish by completing this race. My goal was to prove to myself that the mind is stronger than the body. I wanted to challenge myself to take on more than I could handle, and then plow through the wall. I knew I could finish if I stopped thinking about the seemingly insurmountable distance that was remaining and just focused on what was right in front of me at that moment.

I vividly remember the aid station at mile eight where I first stopped to have my foot checked out. I got up and ran/hobbled a few steps and my mind immediately went to a “there’s no way I can do this for 18 more miles” headspace. I remember taking a moment to gather my thoughts and remember what I was attempting to prove to myself, and thinking, “I can make it to mile nine.” So I did. And then mile ten, eleven, twelve, and on and on. I still remember mile 23 like it was yesterday. At that point I knew all was left was a 5k and in my mind, anybody can run a 5k. Running through that finish line chute was one of the most exhilarating and rewarding moments of my life. Should I have quit? Maybe. But I didn’t, and because of this, I learned more about myself than I could ever glean from a lifetime of reading or study.

Photo Courtesy of Ironman.com

Sometimes quitting will seem to be the easiest and perhaps the only option available. Before you allow yourself to go down the mental path of quitting I highly recommend that you take the time to think through the following questions.

  • Why did you start?
  • Why is this important?
  • What will matter more a year from now, that you persevered, or that you quit?
  • Who will you be letting down?
  • What is God teaching you through this challenge?

If you don’t take the time to answer these, I can almost guarantee that you will regret your decision. If you do answer them, and quitting is still the smartest and best option, you can do so with full faith and confidence that you thought through your decision fully and completely.

Even after you have answered the questions remind yourself of these things when you are tempted to throw in the towel and walk away.

  • This is all temporary – Tomorrow will come, and so will next week, next month, and next year.
  • The goal is bigger than the pain – If you had the courage to start something you had to have a reason why. Don’t lose sight of your goal.
  • When in doubt, break your goal down into the smallest possible step that can be achieved. And then do it again and again and again.
  • Some things are bigger than yourself – Some challenges, goals, and opportunities rise above your individual feelings and perceptions. Don’t let the voice in your head convince you to lose sight of this.
  • Who you will become as a person is defined by your decisions and actions in the most difficult times.
  • Quitting and failing are two different things. Don’t confuse them.

I share this story not because I did anything particularly amazing (I didn’t!), but because it was the best and most vivid personal example I could think of from my life. What I learned is that sometimes the reward is just on the other side of the breaking point…

Photo by Author

What state do you choose?

“Either you defend the status quo or invent the future.”

Seth Godin

I love this sentiment. It’s a very clear demarcation point on how you choose to live your life. You are either focused on what was, or what will be. There is no in between or middle ground.

Personally I have always tried to live by an ethos of “relentless discontent with the status quo.” That spirit has driven me my entire life. Granted it hasn’t always led to the most optimum decisions or outcomes, yet I would rather live forward with anticipation of a better tomorrow than under a constant state of fear that my world is going to be disrupted. Because guess what? It is. Never has that been more apparent than right now…

So one can either live in a state of fear, or in a state of creativity. I choose the latter.

Relentless growth…

“Goals live on the other side of obstacles and challenges. Be relentless in pursuit of those goals, especially in the face of obstacles. Along the way, make no excuses and place no blame.”

Ray Bourque

I see relentless growth as having to keys for success. First, if one can set the right goals, then those goals will inspire the effort required to bring them to fruition. Second, living life in an authentic manner without judgement, excuses or blame enables you to learn from failure and achieve those more difficult and inspiring goals. Becoming the person we were meant to be requires both.

A goal that is chosen because it is likely to be free of obstacles or challenges isn’t truly a goal. It is a choice for the easy path, to go along through life simply existing. Goals need to be hard enough, to be inspiring enough, to be powerful enough to stir your soul and make any obstacle or challenge that happens to come up worth the effort to persevere. If you have goals like that, then being relentless is simply a result of the power of a well-crafted goal.

And when you fail, and we all will inevitably fail, be candid and honest with yourself about that failure. Don’t condemn yourself, or others, and don’t justify the failure. Simply look at it through the lens of learning and growth so that the next goal has an even higher likelihood of success.

Success over the long-term requires both of these traits, and they are synergistic. Do your goals measure up? Are you learning from failure? If not, dig deeper…

The call of the wild..

“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”

Jack London

Jack London was one of the favorite authors from my childhood. “The Call of The Wild,” “White Fang,” “The Sea Wolf” were all my companions and inspirations for life. I read each, and other of London’s works, many many times in my youth. I haven’t read any of them since that time but recently came across the copies of my books and have put them on my reading list to reread and explore again. I am very curious to see what inspiration and motivations rise after I read these book some thirty plus years after the first time I read them.

What I love about this quote is that it imbues action. There is no reason to wait for some “perfect time” in the future to do what needs to be done. If you are waiting for something to happen in order to “be inspired” or start something then you are choosing to delay. You are choosing to wait. Sometimes waiting is exactly the right thing, but that waiting should be a conscious choice, not a delay or a passive waiting for some “ideal” time or moment of cosmic alignment. Be intentional with your waiting. Go after life, it is waiting for the taking. Listen for the call of the wild, and take action.

Fanatical is good…

“Good habits are worth being fanatical about.”

John Irving

It is amazing how much work it can take to cultivate and build a good habit and how easy it can be to lose your way if you aren’t careful. If you take the time, effort and energy to build a habit then you should work hard to maintain it, even when it is tough.

It is far less work to keep the habit up than it is to build it again. Be fanatical with your good habits, don’t throw away the investment you made to build them…

If you aren’t growing you are dying on the vine…

“The greats never stop learning. Instinct and talent without technique just makes you reckless, like a teenager driving a powerful, high-performance vehicle. Instinct is raw clay that can be shaped into a masterpiece, if you develop skills that match your talent. That can only come from learning everything there is to know about what you do.” 

Tim S. Grover

Both life and leadership are a journey of constant and continuous learning. I believe (and most sincerely hope) that I am a far better leader today than I was five years ago and yet I know that I am nowhere near where I want and need to be five or ten years from now. It has nothing to do with role or title but everything to do with impact and effectiveness. The more I learn the more that I realize how much more I need to learn and how much opportunity I have to grow and improve.

I had a conversation with a leader that I greatly respect last night on the impact and power of mindfulness and focus, especially in today’s incredibly distracted age. The time that can, and is, wasted on non-value added activity is so powerful if it can be harnessed for intentional learning and thinking. I have so much to learn about this both from a skill and knowledge perspective and have been receiving multiple nudges in this direction over the past several months.

For example, I just finished reading (through a book club I belong to) an excellent book titled “Digital Minimalism” about the power of focus in a very noisy world and I am I am in the process of reading another book (that was referenced in “Digital Minimalism”) titled (Lead Yourself First) that is really pushing me outside of my comfort zone and making me realize the power of, and need for, quiet and solitude to clarify one’s thinking.

I bring both of these up not to recommend or push others down this path but simply as an example of my own journey and realizing how much work I need to continue to do on myself as a Christian, leader, husband and father. Life is a journey. You are either growing, or you are dying on the vine…

pathway under clouds and blue sky
Photo by David on Pexels.com

Pursue excellence today…

“Excellence must be pursued, it must be wooed with all of one’s might and every bit of effort that we have each day there’s a new encounter, each week is a new challenge.”

Vince Lombardi

Every morning is a new opportunity to get back up, to attack the world, to strive for excellence with all one’s might and effort. That’s what it takes to win. That’s what it takes to go beyond where we are today and get to where we want to be.

Approaching each day as a new challenge, a new opportunity to strive for excellence allows one to leave whatever happened yesterday, whether it was a success or not, in the past. Excellence is ahead of us and achieving it depends on what we do right now.

What are you going to do today to advance towards excellence? This is not a list of ALL the things you feel you need to do. What is the one thing that you can do differently and WILL DO today?

Demand more, in the right direction…

“Being relentless means demanding more of yourself than anyone else could ever demand of you, knowing that every time you stop, you can still do more. You must do more.”

Tim S. Grover

I completely agree with the sentiment expressed in this quote.  I have long believed that no one could push me harder than I could push myself.  As I have gotten older, and perhaps wiser, I have learned that while no one can push me harder, perhaps others can push me in ways I didn’t even know that I needed to go.  

Demanding more of yourself sometimes means getting perspective and help from outside so you know exactly where to push so hard…  Who helps you see where you channel your relentless energy?  

 

Do. The. Work.

“Do. The. Work. Every day, you have to do something you don’t want to do. Every day. Challenge yourself to be uncomfortable, push past the apathy and laziness and fear. Otherwise, the next day you’re going to have two things you don’t want to do, then three and four and five, and pretty soon, you can’t even get back to the first thing. And then all you can do is beat yourself up for the mess you’ve created, and now you’ve got a mental barrier to go along with the physical barriers.” 

Tim S. Grover

This quote comes from a book titled From Good to Great to Unstoppable that is is a very worthwhile read.  Tim is a trainer/performance coach for some of the world’s most elite athletes.  The kind of people who win championships and are the top 1% of the top 1%.  The type of folks that demonstrate the work ethic and drive written about above.  

Do you know what is interesting about this?  Every single one of us has this opportunity in our lives.  We might not all be genetically gifted by God to play football or basketball but every single one of us has the ability to “Do. The. Work.”  It is a choice.  Being a champion at something take relentless effort and doesn’t come without a high personal cost.

You have to choose to do the work.  You can either own the work, or the work will own you.  It’s your choice, but make no mistake, it is a choice.  Choose wisely.  

 

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