“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Viktor Frankl
You’ve been there. You put your energy into something—an outcome, a decision, a direction—and it didn’t go the way you expected. Maybe it was a team decision that didn’t land right. Maybe the market shifted. Maybe someone else made a call that changed everything.
Now what?
You can fight against it. Blame the situation. Wait for something else to shift. But real leadership doesn’t work that way. If you can’t change the situation, you have to change yourself.
What’s In Your Control?
Leadership isn’t about forcing outcomes. It’s about becoming the kind of person who can handle whatever comes. That means:
- Paying attention to yourself. Where do you shut down? Where do you get defensive? Where do you resist feedback?
- Investing in growth. Not just learning for the sake of it, but applying what you know, adjusting how you lead, and owning your progress.
- Choosing your response. You can’t control the circumstances, but you can control how you handle them.
How to Start Leading Yourself First
If you want to lead better, start by leading yourself.
- Write it down. What’s frustrating you right now? What part of it is actually within your control?
- Ask someone you trust. “What’s one thing I’m not seeing about how I lead?” Listen without defending.
- Find a mentor or coach. The best ones don’t give you answers—they hold up a mirror so you can see yourself more clearly.
Want to Go Deeper?
Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” is one of my all time favorites and gets to the heart of this. He talks about the ‘Circle of Influence’—where you focus your energy and attention. Leaders who spend their time on what they can control grow. Leaders who don’t? They stay stuck.
What’s the Shift You Need to Make?
It’s easy to say, “Things need to change.” It’s harder to say, “I need to change.”
But that’s where real leadership starts.
So, what’s one shift you need to make right now? Write it down. Own it. Then do something about it.
